How Can We Get Along With People Who Want to Harm Us?

Nobody wants to be friends with someone trying to hurt you. This essay questions why minorities must treat people who try to harm them as equals, and why bullies get power, passes and protections while victims do not.

How Can We Get Along With People Who Want to Harm Us?
Source: Kat J./Unsplash

When you’re in a domestic violence relationship of any kind (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual), friends, advocates, and loved ones implore you to leave. Correct?

If we see a child being abused by a parent or caretaker, your first instinct is to get help for the child either by calling child welfare services, police, or in some cases intervening on the spot (I should hope). Correct?

When your child is in school and being bullied by the cool guys, the athletes, the dark kids, the pretty girls, etc., wouldn’t you want someone to do something about it? Don’t you want your child to be safe and protected? Don’t you want your kid to have sick, psychopathic bullies who live to harm others removed from your child’s school environment? Hello?

If someone gets behind the wheel drunk or intoxicated to the point where they can’t see and are unable to make decisions, and they end up hurting or killing a person, wouldn’t you want that person to be taken from behind the wheel so they won’t harm anyone else? To be treated for substance abuse? To go to jail? To lose their license for a season? Right?

People cannot function properly when they must worry about and fight those on a daily basis doing harm to them. Racism works the same way.

Minorities subjected to racism are expected to stay in place and wait for change, for help, hell for something while continuing to suffer harm. That’s not right, it’s not safe, it’s not logical, and it’s fair to those suffering.

Why is it majorities and groups in power have a hard time removing either the racist perpetrators who inflict harm on others, or removing those suffering under the oppressive hands of the racists from harm?

I’m talking about the kind of harm that impacts minorities mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.

Why is it that after all of these centuries we can’t get this right in America? I thought we were better than this. But we are not.

You wanna know why? It’s because minorities here in America are not really equals to our bullies.

Somehow, bullies always manage to gain and maintain power. These bullies become segregationist national spiritual/religious leaders; local, state and federal, politicians; founders of political action committees; bank lenders; NFL team owners; police officers and sheriffs deputies; HR directors; local pastors; news commentators; educators and school board members; mayors; and…presidents of nation’s. White powerful governmental and religious structures of America consistently condone, harbor, tolerate, shelter, and even enable the cultivation of bullies (i.e public school systems).

You see, minorities in America have never been allowed to gain the same powers of our bullies. I imagine the bullies must work fervently to keep us oppressed in order to avoid reaping pay back owed for the harm inflicted upon certain groups. In any event, since they have more power, it seems they are always winning.

I often find it funny how the people in the majority (not being bullied by racism) not directly impacted by racism work hard to make racist bullies who wish to harm people of color our equals. How is this done you ask?

It’s done by giving bully racists and bigots the right to bully. Their rights to bully and harm are covered under the First Amendment’s freedom of speech. Every time they say things to harm, they get a first amendment blanket to cover their racist bullshit ways.

Racist bullies also have rights to inflict harm upon people already living under duress everyday due to micro and macro aggression. Those rights are covered under the Second Amendment’s right to bear arms. Another blanket to incite fear, harass, and kill…covered by the law. For instance, just look at how the Stand Your Ground Defense works for racist most times.

An asshole racist can decide they are the pool patrol, HOA, handicapped parking lot savior, park ranger, the volunteer neighborhood watch man, or coupon police. They start immediately harassing you simply because they are racist. They get the right to harass people of color and minorities. Then after they see one of their victims won’t take their victimization lying down and gets belligerent, then the racist becomes “afraid.” They started the shit by not minding his/her business, then claim to be afraid when confronted.

Next, the confrontation gets heated. Sometimes it’s words, and sometimes it’s shoving. The next thing you know, the bully (a.k.a the shit starter, a.k.a. the instigator, a.k.a. the racist scary pants) has killed someone, and the victim (a.k.a the minority, the bullied) is dead.

It works just like that. Yet many people can’t see it, because they are caught up by the lies sold by politicians who create these protectionist laws. Make no mistake, those being harmed understand every code piece of legislation created to inflict harm upon them.

Those who work daily to bring harm to others are given a green light to harm people by America’s blind criminal justice system. It’s unjust, it’s scale rarely balanced.

Why are the rights of people wanting to do harm to me, more important than my right to be safe from harm? It’s because we have been fed a false narrative that we are all equal. The same laws and rights meant to protect me also encourage and protect the bullies.

People who want to do harm to people because of the color of their skin, race, ethnicity, or nationality have already asserted they are more powerful AND not equal. The people intending to do harm believe they are better than the people they despise.

To treat those as equals who have already rejected the idea of equality is to debase and devalue the very idea of equality itself.

When someone asserts supremacy, they’ve in that precise instant given up a claim to equality — and so there’s no need to treat them as equals. — Umair Haque

What’s wrong with us Americans? Why do we expect people being harmed, in particular minorities, to sit back and wait to be harmed over and over again?

Why do so many Americans view this right to harm to others selectively? If you can’t see it, feel it, or aren’t on the receiving end of those doing the harm doesn’t mean it isn’t so.

Some of us are so disengaged and willing participants in the harming of others that we can sit by idly watching harm television or viewing harm in our own communities and do nothing, when you know full damn well the harm is coming from people who want to intentionally inflict harm which could be financial, emotional, physical, or verbal.

What’s wrong when we care only for children being harmed. Why don’t we care about adults being harmed right here in America, the elderly, or those who don’t fall into some “protected category or class.”

I thought America was better than this. Clearly we are not.

We have allowed those powerful, corrupt groups and individuals to dictate how we deal with people who attempt to harm us. It appears the people who come up with these rules of engagement are usually associated in some manner with the groups that do harm whether we all want to admit it or not. You know what I call them?


You’re enabling people because they look like you. Maybe they sound like you, or attend the same place of worship. Perhaps you’re enabling your racist best friend, a frat brother, sibling or father-in-law. Maybe you’re enabling your co-worker, your boss, your business partner, or a local public officials. Cut that enabling shit out, please?

Let’s start using our common sense to deal with those trying diligently to do harm to others.

If someone you knew (or maybe even a stranger) is trying to kidnap your kid, steal your purse, harass you, or do harm to your body, what would you do? You’d stop them by any means necessary! Immediately if it’s within your power too (I assume).

Well, that’s what all of us with good healthy brains must do with racism. We must stop it on sight! (Key word being good and healthy brains).

Racism causes harm. Those being harmed are trying desperately to navigate it. We must recognize racism, call it out, and actively destabilize these bullies to prevent additional harm. People’s lives are depending on it.

We cannot continue to get along with people who harm us. I don’t plan on trying to anymore. Here in America we’re far beyond that point. We cannot continue to support structures and hierarchies which allows racist bullies to thrive. We cannot treat racists who inflict harm as equals. In doing so, we give power to them.

Every day, every minute, every hour…you’re giving them power. You’re giving the power to do harm.

Source: Brian Patrick/Unsplash