What Is Inconsiderate Parenting
Inconsiderate parenting is a term I coined when people have children with no longer-term, strong mutual parenting plans, or contingency plans. It is an intentional parenting style where parents parent based on their feelings and emotions, not sound and unethical practices, common sense, and human decency. I have known quite a few inconsiderate parents besides my own mother being an inconsiderate parent. We’ve all seen inconsiderate parents. We all know inconsiderate parents. Some of us are inconsiderate parents.
Some of us are selfishly inconsiderate parents occasionally. But others of us are inconsiderate parents every waking day of our lives. What inconsiderate parents don’t fully grasp throughout their lives is that inconsiderate parenting creates inconsiderate children. The other thing inconsiderate parenting does is send poor young people into the world who grow up to become older (and then old) inconsiderate people, especially if they’re never corrected or if they don’t get a reality check by life.
Reasons People Become Inconsiderate Parents
People become or sometimes evolve into inconsiderate parents for a variety reasons. Sometimes children were raised by someone who lacked the skills, patience, physical, mental, or emotional well-being to parent. Often the examples of poor parenting are internalized and is transferred down onto the next generation. Some people are poor, choosing to have sex and make children without considering the consequences and hardships their poverty make be for their children. For a season, I would say this was a best description of my early parenting.
Some people have children purely for religious reasons. Some people have children with every new person they attach themselves to, leaving a trail of abandonment, devastation, unanswered questions, and bastardom along the way.
Others have children because they see it as a checklist, a hobby, or competing with siblings, friends, co-workers, or other people in their social circle. Some folks desire and have kids like they buy a new pair of shoes. Having that baby was an impulse purchase — except you can’t push a baby back into a vagina like you can return those shoes you regret buying to DSW (the shoe chain Designer Shoe Warehouse). People have kids because parents and partners pressure them into it. Sometimes kids are accidents, results of unprotected sex with no thought of whether the man or woman would be a good co-parent should that sperm made it to the egg. Sounds terrible, right?
People engage in extra-marital affairs without thinking of the consequences and have children outside of their marriages. They are in marriages they have no intention of leaving because they understand it’s cheaper (and safer) to keep the mate they know than to go for the new thing they don’t really know. Kids extra-marital affairs grow up with lots of issues. My sister is a product of an extra-marital affair, and she is a mess. No one wants to be known as an illegitimate anything, let alone an outside kid.
Some people have the desire but not the time, but they have kids anyway. Some people have more kids than they can physically and mentally care for with no regard for the other children, their spouses/partners, or themselves. Some women and men have kids thinking those kids will trap/keep they one they adore, even if the feelings aren’t mutual. It’s a crap shoot. Some parents are abusive or micromanagers, enablers, helicopter parents, and some people have control issues (they must be in control of everything all the time) — so much so the co-parent cannot bring balance to the role of parenting. This is usually a disaster for the entire household.
The reasons for becoming a parent may vary, but the consideration people give to the type of parents they want to be to create the type people this world needs and wants simply doesn’t happen most times. Most people raise their kids with a personal, short-sighted mindset, and not a global or world view.
A child will only belong its parents for a short while unless they’re something that prevents that from happening beyond their control (i.e. a child is born disabled). That child will be in the world coming in contact with other people for more years than they are with their parents. For better or worse.
Just think about the good adults raised by considerate parents you know like your favorite school teacher, the nice lady at the grocery store, or the guy who has owned the local dry cleaning business for decades, the social worker who went the extra mile to save a family or child, or the caring person who donates and serves food at the local shelter. Good people don’t just fall out of the sky. They are made.
Our not so good angels among us could be my mother, or people like Donald Trump and those people who allow such a morally bankrupt person to exist to torment others, turning a blind-eye to the misery of others out of fear or personal gain. At the end of the day, the results of our inconsiderate parenting will manifest themselves for the world to see.
What Inconsiderate Parenting Looks Like
I can think of hundreds of inconsiderate parenting examples off the top of my head. Like mothers not allowing the fathers to help shape and groom a child believing she has everything to offer, and the father has nothing to offer or thinks what he offers isn’t good enough. It’s often the reason men check out of parenting responsibilities or shun them all together. Women, sometimes we can have an over-controlling spirit which stifles the co-parent’s ability to take part in parenting roles. I’m a firm believer you can get a lesson from anything or anyone if you watch long enough.
Inconsiderate parenting is having children when you know you don’t get along and you end up arguing and fighting the child’s entire childhood. You essentially prevented the child from seeing what a healthy relationship is like between two people respectfully in love with one another.
Inconsiderate parenting is having so many children, some of those children feel as though they don’t get much love, while watching their parents selecting favorites. That makes sibling relationships tense and makes future holiday and family events less pleasurable. Children will never forget how you treat them.
Inconsiderate parenting is failing to discipline your child in the numerous ways children may need disciplining in order to make it through life. The entire world has rules. Disciplining your children isn’t just about spanking or punishments. It’s also teaching your children to follow and obey rules because rules will eventually evolve into local, state, and national laws they must obey. Teaching children to obey rules and about laws (state, local, national) is the parents’ responsibility. Not doing so makes life hard for your child and the public.
Inconsiderate parenting is not equipping your child with common sense and critical thinking skills. Schools don’t do this anymore, so it’s up to the parents to get it done. If you’ve never been to your child’s school to view the curriculum, look at syllabuses, speak with teachers, sit at school board meetings, view books, etc., to see what your child is learning and how, then you’re engaging in inconsiderate parenting. Your kid is depending on you to provide them with the basics to live in our society. If you’re not teaching your child to think critically, they can’t possibly have common sense. Teaching to tests to the next grade, college, etc. is fine, but you better be teaching your kids how to think.
Besides, no one wants your 25-year-old “baby” standing up in their office every 10 minutes asking dumb questions they could have answered themselves if their inconsiderate parents would have made him/her think for themselves and instead of doing everything (and thinking everything) for them. It’s an easy way out for the parents, but it sets the kids up to be deficient. Look no further than the White House.
Inconsiderate parenting is not teaching your kid to ride a bike because you don’t want them to get hurt, instead of having the mindset that falling off a bike and getting back on it will build the child’s character, teaching him/her how to face fears, try something new, risky and dangerous. Falling down and getting back up is an important life skill needed to make it to new ages and new phases of life. And the most important lesson, teaching your kid not to give up — allowing kids to forgo getting back up and trying again until they get it right means you could be grooming a quitter.
No one wants either of those people on their team.
Inconsiderate parenting is not teaching your child to be respectful of boundaries and the personal space of others. Failing to teach your kid personal space boundaries leads to those nosey people who are always minding other people’s business peeping over shoulders looking at computers and phones, always ear hustling for dirt or for no other reason but to get someone else’s business that cannot help them at all. Not understanding boundaries and getting in people’s personal space can get a person #MeToo.
Sometimes the act of inconsiderate parenting is in view for all to see, and it’s usually an ugly, annoying sight. Like family vacations for instance. It’s summer, and parents want to pile their kids into a car or onto an airplane to go some place. All they think about, care about, or consider are themselves. Parents don’t control their kids, allowing them to be loud and disruptive in public spaces, not be polite to servers and waitstaff, make messes without cleaning them up, or doing things like getting up extra early to go to the complimentary continental breakfast at the hotel at 7:30 am allowing their precious cargo to run down the halls screaming and talking loud and waking up child-free guest like me who are on vacation.
Inconsiderate parents‘ entire vacation involves ruining vacation involves for other folks in shared spaces. That’s my pet peeve (lol). Those inconsiderate kids grow up to become people who stay in hotels, go out and get drunk, and stand up in the middle of the hotel’s hallway at 2am, having a drunken conversation about how drunk they are and the good time they had getting drunk — loudly, instead of going to their rooms and going to bed silently with consideration for the other guests who paid for their rooms to sleep. True story.
Not teaching kids how to share space, be self and socially aware, emotionally intelligent, and respectful of personal space boundaries when they are young, can set them up to become hot messes later in life.
People don’t want to be around the know-it-all, the person who is always loud no matter how much you shush them, or the person who never shuts up. No one wants to be friends with the self-righteous Jesus freak always preaching and teaching to them, pointing out how awful those are around them as they make themselves out to be the Pope. People hate the person who always intrudes in conversations, is always walking up in the middle of conversations asking, “What are you guys talking about?” or the person who is too touchy with friends despite being asked not to touch a friend in such a manner.
Raising kids the right way matters. Being an inconsiderate parent is easy. Real parenting is hard. What type of parent will you be? Bad parenting impacts all of us.
No one has to have children. It’s a choice, and in many places, having kids are a luxury. But if you do decide to have children, please remember we all have to live with your decision.
©2019 Marley K. All rights reserved.