I’m Tired of Advocating For Rights Based On Sex
Feminism is exhausting. Fighting the prioritization of the male point of view while fighting for women to be treated fairly is mentally and physically draining. It’s also confusing because I believe it goes against nature. Feminism makes me think I’m a loser because I’m not out fighting and advocating for women’s rights like their right to vote, women running for public office, the right to work, to own property, to receive an education, or to protect women and girls from rape, sexual harassment, and domestic violence. In my heart of hearts, I feel as if I’m more of a caretaker, even with my degrees, certifications, experiences, and accomplishments. Nothing makes me happier than caring for people, and I relish in the role. It’s second nature to me.
A lack of basic human rights is human problems, yet Western feminism doesn’t advocate for humanity, even when it realizes women within their ranks connect via intersectionality. There are plenty of people in America who don’t have rights, not just women. Entire races have had their rights snatched, and feminists don’t give it a second thought. The selectiveness of feminism gives me great pause.
The Inequality of Fighting For Equality
For instance, studies have shown women rape men and boys more than we previously thought. Women have been understudied because of bias in the field. It’s female dominated, and female researchers have focused primarily on women and girls in sexual assault and human trafficking research studies. Because of this, women have been able to control the messaging about who deserved to be looked at when it comes to sexual assault. Both genders rape, but the focus is only on one, men. You can’t achieve equality when we have implicit biases preventing us for treating each other as equals.
This argument upends women’s rights agenda’s that focuses on the sexual threat posed by men. We ignore and dismiss findings such as these for the sake of the feminist agenda and I really hate that. Shouldn’t we advocate for all rape victims? Aren’t all child victims of rape important? Women have the spotlight and they aren’t letting go, even if it harms are sons, brothers, and nephews.
Shouldn’t we all advocate for fair pay? Two people doing the same job should make the same pay regardless of their sex or gender? The only reason pay should vary is because of annual pay increases and employee hire/start times. We all should be able to own property, not just men, regardless of your sex, gender and race or ethnicity. We have shut some races in America out of owning or keeping property via unfair lending practices or government interventions.
Sometimes feminism feels disingenuous and selfish because the focus is more on sex/gender, instead of equality and fairness. Everyone loses when the focus moves away from equality for all. Property ownership rights should be for all people, not just women. Feminism often masquerades itself as fighting for equality, when in fact its motives are quite the opposite.
Feminism Can Be Unhealthy
I have other reasons I no longer believe feminism is healthy for many women. I have seen feminists belittle women who don’t agree with their feminist philosophies and ideologies. Many women have forsaken what’s natural to them to pursue feminist agendas not always in their best interests in the long-term. We have been going against Mother Nature trying to prove we are strong and capable of doing almost anything and everything a man can do.
Our children are struggling and lacking nurturing because we’re giving our all to jobs, trying to make more money to buy more stuff, so we can show off our trappings of success to the world. Our husbands and significant others are tired of us because instead of focusing on complementing one another, women are busy competing with them. We’re coming across as loud and angry about almost everything. I know because I’m guilty of it.
Women are lonely and dissatisfied as hell at home trying to be loyal feminism. In one breath we’re happily single, the next breath we’re man bashing complaining there are no good men. We’re busy trying to be every woman and not feeling good or happy about any of the women we’re striving to become. Our young daughters have become verbal and sometimes physical bullies, because feminism has taught them that’s the proper way to stand up for themselves. Teen girls are struggling mentally and emotionally trying to look like supermodels as we’re focused on sex-positive ideologies.
Women have been told we need a mate to be our equal (whatever that means) instead of having a mate who will complement us. Complementing one another has nothing to do with equality when done in good faith. Finding that someone who truly complements us just happens, naturally. I realize many women think they are already perfect, and that’s fine. For a few women that may very well be true. For other women, they probably realize they are incomplete, they just can’t bring themselves to admit it.
Feminism has evolved into so many things that have nothing to do with equality or the health and well-being of women. For too many women, feminism is about power, control, and competing with patriarchy. Women are not only competing with the men we work with, but we are also competing with the men we love. Western Feminism has negatively impacted our overall attitudes about men. I think it’s pastime for the movement to take a hard look at itself. When is the last time you’ve seen a study about the impact of the feminism movement? How does it impact men and families? How does it impact the nation? Does feminism really put a dent in equality, and if so, at what rate? A woman’s life is more complex than her political identity, economic status, her personal beliefs, and social equality. Inequality is inequality, and we all should do the work to stop it.
I’m tired of being super woman. I have been thinking lately about how feminism has literally saddled so many women with unattainable and unachievable goals and objectives.. Western feminism has been a blind and inconsiderate movement, often forgetting racism for many women can trump our sex. As a Black woman I often fight against the very sisterhood I’m supposed to be aligned with. It’s mentally and emotionally taxing.
I recently raised my hand and excused myself from the ideology, and I wish I would have done it long ago. Women have no clue what they are signing up for trying to carry that heavy feminism torch. It’s hard as hell trying to be all you can be at work and raise your kids, to have a house and husband, and being a lady in the streets and a freak in bed. I’m tired of being independent, self-sufficient. I’m tired of biased fairness. It’s exhausting being strong because we’ve been told we need to be.
Nature could offer us a variety of clues about how we should go about the business of being women. We could learn a lot from watching female animals in the wild.
There Is No Feminism in the Wild
I’m an outdoorsman, so I have spent a lot of years watching animals in pairs in the wild. I also love watching animal planet and fishing shows (lol). I love sitting and watching animals in their habitats the way Mother Nature intended.
I have watched a mama duck sit on her nest of eggs for weeks, only leaving her eggs to get food. She knows there are lots of predatory snakes and other critters always lurking here in South Florida searching for an easy meal. Dad is usually close by mean mugging passers by. Once that mama duck had those ducklings, I watched her teach them, bringing them to our Homeowners Association Office steps to show her ducklings how to climb them repeatedly before putting them in the water. By doing so, they’d be able to get into and out of the lake quickly. Mama duck spent much of her life caring for her babies. It’s natural. I have seen the same mama duck walk her babies across the street, leading nine-to-ten ducklings, with papa duck bring up the rear. The female duck was the leader of her nest and the family, not the male duck. His role was the provider, and protector.
In prides, the lionesses do most of the hunting and cub rearing. Male lions fight each other for territory and females, often to the death. Female lionesses are caretakers and fierce defenders of their children. The village raises the children.
Elephants herds are matriarchal. Elephant mothers carry their babies for nearly two years before giving birth. After elephant babies are born, they ensure their babies have the best food; they teach their children the most useful skills and they teach their children how to lead the herd during hard times. The oldest female elephant plays a key role in controlling the social network of the group and in ensuring the survival of the family. Yet, again, the females stick together. The village raises the children. It’s how they survive.
My neighbors feed birds bread, so I get to watch birds in my backyard 365 days per year. We see lots of Blue Jays and Cardinals in the area because of these feedings. Blue jays typically live in small flocks, are highly protective of their nesting site, typically form monogamous pairs, and they stay together for life. Female blue jays will often lead groups of males during the mating season. Male and female blue jays help each other build their nests, but the male’s main role is to hunt for food and bring it to the female. Female blue jays incubate their eggs and wait for the male partners to bring them food.
There is no equality in the animal kingdom. There is no feminism in the wild.
Animals do their parts to make their worlds go round, and it happens naturally. There is a lot of compromise and double-duty happening. If it didn’t happen this way, there would be no animals for me to watch. Watching nature work makes me wonder if we’ve been misled about feminism. I often wonder if we’re missing out on happiness, peace, and mating because we’re chasing an ideology that’s unnatural. Watching nature and studying animals caused me to rethink my positions on feminism.
Perhaps women are trying to achieve something that is not attainable. Is nature wrong?
Many Female Animals in the Wild Are Submissive
A lioness in danger will drop down in a nonthreatening posture, even lying down to show how submissive she is to avoid conflict, death, or to buy time to figure out how to escape.
Female large mouth bass linger in “holding-areas” near deeper water, awaiting a male to prepare their spawning beds. The male bass searches out a fertile female and herds her to his bedding location. Once on the bed, the male bass swims circles around the female bass to discourage her from leaving and will even bump her ventral region with his nose to trigger her into dropping her eggs. There are plenty of examples of female animals submitting to their male counterparts to make, procreate, and even to survive.
Sometimes female animals play hard to get, and other times they are more submissive. Being submissive is a part of survival and reproduction in the wild. It’s shown me equality isn’t always achievable. Heck, sometimes equality isn’t even in natures equation.
Mother Nature created us so that all things would work together for the good of the earth just the way she intended. Maybe, just maybe, we women are fighting a losing battle pledging allegiance to feminism.
My Personal Takeaways
I’m sure I will get some push back for my thoughts. These thoughts aren’t pro-men, nor are they pro-women. My thoughts are pro-nature. Going against nature never goes well for us. The earth is literally sick of us because we keep doing things to improve our lives at the expense of the Mother Nature. The ice caps and glaciers are melting. We’re killing animals on the endangered species list at an alarming rate. Seas are rising, hurricane are getting more powerful, and we’ve created a host of products to make our own selves sick. We’ve got to admit humans can royally screw things up!
As I look at the state of women and humanity today, I often wonder if the women’s suffrage movement and the fight for “women’s rights.” Is the world better off with women and men competing? Are families better off with two parents working and no one watching the children? Do women really feel better being strong and independent? Are men meant to lead and rule (even if they aren’t necessarily better at it)? Is the order in nature the order of the world? Are our attitudes about submissive women wrong? Should women focus more on take care of homes and children? Should women demand men do more in our homes? after all, it seems they contribute no more in the wild? I don’t know the answers to any of these questions.
What I do know is that we need to rethink our pursuits of fairness and equality where feminism is concerned. Perhaps we’ve been chasing a dream that’s unachievable and unattainable.
Because there is no such thing as feminism in the wild.
©2019 Marley K. All rights reserved.